I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were trust falling into bushes
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
