??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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