After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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