If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
