porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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