He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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