They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
