I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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