Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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