dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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