Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
