I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
