Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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