thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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