Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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