He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
