how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
