Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
