Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I stole a fireplace last night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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