Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
