Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
