Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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