I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you would pick up someone in the library
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is my gift to your gina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
