I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
