I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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