I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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