Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
