if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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