1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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