I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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