Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
