I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
