Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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