He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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