Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
