I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
