he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
