i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
