She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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