Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
