at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
