I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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