Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
