You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
