why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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