uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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