and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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