i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
