my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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