I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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