I need to stop coming to work sober
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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