i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
