I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i've created a new STD.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
