you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
