Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
