totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
