Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got inside last night via doggy door
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
