Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want to make out with him forever
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
