but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i now understand why vodka
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
